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mocha jet fuel
by lizard at 03:55 AM on July 21, 2001
in my last post, i pissed some people off with an egregious grammatical faux pas, & i caught quite a bit of grief as a result. now, my decision (& it was deliberate) to choose that particular combination of words was was made under the influence of approximately a thousand milligrams of caffiene & who knows how much sugar, a combined high that contributed significantly to my lapse in judgement. that's not an excuse, but it is a reason.
so now i am two days older & about that much wiser, & would like to offer this cautionary tale of espresso abuse, in case anyone still harbors any lingering doubts about Demon Caffeine.
it was years ago, when chris & i were partners in this crazy coffehouse/theatre/punk rock venue, in an old movie theatre that had had the first 30 rows of seats torn out for a mosh pit. we only did punk (& ska, & grunge, & whatever else seemed like a good idea at the time) on weekends, & during the week we had the usual coffeehouse fare, acoustic music, poetry, art & the like. people would sit cross-legged in the pit & share creativity & of course, drink coffee.
we had a bit of a militant business philosophy - this was no decaf/nonfat/soy/herbal tea sort of coffeehouse. we only sold coffee with caffeine, & we had this enormous, old espresso machine that made the biggest, strongest shots of the darkest, thickest coffee i've ever seen, before or since. we were big with the ‘recovery’ community, as you can well imagine - nothing is fonder to the heart (& endocrine system) of an old speed freak, than a new connection that won't void his clean time & still can get him good & spun.
we also had an item on the menu called a mocha jet fuel. the description on the menu said something about sending spies to JPL/Pasadena & they came back with recipe for this drink. it was pretty simple: dump out two packets of hot chocolate in the bottom of a sixteen ounce cup. fill with four double shots of straight espresso (this filled the cup). top with whipped cream. that's it - no milk, no water, nothing but pure adrenaline.
so one night, one of our NA regulars came in for the poetry & ended up - i am not making this up - drinking *four* mocha jet fuels. four. really. he had intended to read some poetry, but around his third cup, he had a better idea. he would instead remove all his clothes & run screaming up & down the aisles. he said it was *performance art*. he was serious. it took awhile to talk him out of it, but i'm sure he was glad the next day - though we didn't see him again for at least a week, i'm guessing the caffeine poisoning came pretty close to killing him, though i didn't learn that it is actually possible to OD on coffee till just recently. (not personally, mind you. i just read it somewhere.)
if only someone had been looking over my shoulder the other day as my trembling fingers typed out that offensive phrase, so much of that painful aftermath could have been avoided. but if even one person says to their friends or their waiter/waitress tonight, ‘no thanks, i've had enough coffee’, well, it will all be worthwhile.
comments (11)
As someone who knows far more people in the "recovery community" than is probably good for me, I think the phrase "nothing is fonder to the heart... of an old speed freak, than a new connection that won't void his clean time & still can get him good & spun" is just marvelous. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to steal it, use it, and (most of the time) not give proper attribution.
by Muad'Dib at July 21, 2001 4:28 PM
My local coffeehouse makes a drink called Depth Charge - a strong cup of coffee with a shot of espresso. I usually get a triple with a extra shot of luck. Within an hour I am buzzing off the walls and able to write up a storm. Your drink sounds more powerful and I'm going to try it next week.
I've linked your column to my website in the coffee section. I hope that's ok. This is a cool site and I'll be adding it to my links page too.
Take care,
Lynne
by Lynne at July 21, 2001 4:40 PM
Muad'Dib, i am absolutely thrilled that i've finally managed to write something worthy of theft. use it to your heart's content, with my blessings.
Lynne, i've only just started to have a look around your site, & it is delightful. perhaps you could recommend a good coffeehouse in S.B.? i've been itching to take a cruise up the coast, & that would be the perfect excuse.
by kd at July 21, 2001 5:52 PM
It is awfully swell to have kd on board to provide highly delightful musings for my everyday online consumption. I often read her with much utterances like ' yeah!', ' exactly!' , ' me too!', ' yes! * followed by some physical action*'...boy, can I ( we ) relate to her thoughts!
Wait, that is not why I'm here. Oh yes, coffee. Is it just me or please somebody step out if you face the same dilemma. I enjoy coffee. Especially those full bodied creamy ones. But caffeine seems to work better on me than my sleeping pills. Now why the heck is that?
by zai at July 22, 2001 12:25 AM
For the sake of *expletive*, do not disown me for my horrendous grammar ( snaggle's worse nightmare, haha! ). So I have trouble constructing words into sentences. You gotta love me anyhow!
What the...did I type zai instead of zia?!
This is extremely disturbing.
by zia at July 22, 2001 12:29 AM
zia, lovely zia, grammar rules do not apply to you, your prose it pure poetry & your construction, perfect art. notice no one ever nags you about your syntax? this is why.
i do not read your posts so much as bask in them. scatter them on the floor of my mind & roll around in them, sometimes unclothed. but let's not ruin the moment by warping our minds around that visual image.
thank you, zia.
by kd at July 22, 2001 2:22 AM
yeah, as a former speed freak gone straight: why the hell didn't i think of that world class line. e s p e c i a l l y since it is so true. i do have this idea for those little flavored coffee creamers though:infuse them with high doses of caffeine for an added boost.
by mic at July 23, 2001 2:00 AM
I think I've come to realize I only have the powers of GrammarBitch over mg... I took one look at Zia's first post and had an aneurysm. So while I may periodically mock the two of you, very rarely will I ever head on over to GreyMatter and fix anything I find — unless, of course, there's something that's just plain patently offensive.
Then again, maybe if I got doped up on caffeine... *ponder*
I have a bad habit of making strong coffee. A friend once said, "There's something wrong with this coffee. It's not changing color as I add milk..."
by snaggle at July 23, 2001 9:49 AM
Thanks for visiting my site. Don't you just love the internet? I discover to places to explore every single day. There are three coffeehouses I'd recommend when you come to SB - Coffee Cat (Anacapa $ Anapamu), Cafe Siena and my number one favorite, Espresso Roma (both downtown on State St). Siena and Roma are owned by the same people but Siena is better in my opinion. When you come to town let's meet and coffee is on me!
by Lynne at July 23, 2001 9:55 PM
I hit the send button to quickly! I meant to write "I love to discover new places to explore every day." :)
by Lynne at July 23, 2001 9:59 PM
there's nothing wrong with coffee that doesn't change color when you add milk, snaggle, it just means you're making good coffee.
what i do, is add that flavored cappuccino mix to my (already strong) coffee. that extra added boost!
by kd at July 23, 2001 11:08 PM